A sweet lie
by Zino
Summary: HGSS, Ethan/Silver. Silver wants to find his father, but Ethan knows it's no use. Huntershipping.


You are in a room with only one window. Behind the glass the sky has darkened a long time ago. And yet there you are, still looking through that window, even if your eyes can't see details or shapes behind it anymore. There's only darkness and shady colors, but at the moment you couldn't care less. You're sitting on a wooden chair that is in front of a small desk. The window is staring right back at you and if you would just lift your arm up you could touch the coolness of the glass. But you won't and instead you just take your old black and yellow colored cap that was next to you on the desk and put it on your head. Nowadays the hat is stained and old, it has served you for over seven years after all and still you don't want to use anything else. Your hat is full of memories from your early traveling years. There's a scent of your hometown and grass stains from the first bush where a wild Pokémon attacked you. There's salt from the foaming waves and dust from the darkest caves and also melted snow from the mountain where your final challenge was. Your hat is carrying all those experiences and those things make you happy.

But there is also a stain on your hat, an invisible one. It has been there for seven years and it could never be fully cleaned. The stain had long time ago moved from the top of the hat to inside of you. At first you didn't even realize this because you were so young, only ten and little more. You were only thinking of beating the Champion, adventures, meeting new people and Pokemon. You had been so naive that it almost embarrasses you now when you are thinking about it. But at the same time you miss that time, the time you were still just a naïve little kid.

Now it's eating you inside worse than ever. And just because _he _mentioned it.

You finally lower you gaze from the window and turn your eyes to a shady corner lamp's light can't reach. Between the layers of sheets you can see the familiar looking red hair, strong arms and pale legs. It's been seven years since you first met that boy. He had been an angry kid, looking at you with challenging eyes and finally challenging you to a battle. And you had beat him, every single time. You had seen the anger on his face changing into despair and finally transforming to determination. _I have to become stronger, stronger than you, stronger what he ever was! _The boy had yelled with blazing eyes and when he had flied out of your sight you had though that was the last time you'd see that red hair.

_But you found him again, training on the mountains. You were something like friends already, even though he didn't want to admit it. But you remembered, you remembered how he had almost violently grabbed your arm and pulled you next to him announcing that you two would fight against Lance and Claire and you were going to win._

_Every Wednesday you visited the place the boy was training his Pokémon because you had this strange desire to see his long red hair again and again. The boy didn't like that at first, but over the years he pushed you around less, was less angry, and finally forgot to deny you from coming. When you both were sixteen you took this as an invitation while you were sitting on the ground and catching your breath again inside some rocky cave after an exhausting pokemon battle. You grabbed the boy from his red hair and boldly kissed him straight on the lips. Knowing the boy you expected him to punch your face and so he also did. But what you didn't expected followed the punch. The boy immediately pulled you into another kiss and you didn't even have time to think about whether your nose was broken or not. But you didn't mind, even thought later you wished that the pokeballs were all soundproof when a loud moan of pleasure escaped from you mouth. And it wasn't the only one._

It had been a year since that and you had almost forgotten the past of that boy who was laying on your bed. Until he had brung it up today.

"_I'm gonna go and search for my father. I've decided to forgive him for abandoning me."_

By just remembering those words you suddenly feel so ill that you just want to turn your head away from the sleeping boy and puke. But you don't allow yourself to be so weak, no matter if this guilty feeling inside of you is killing you. You had tried not to think about it, but of course it was impossible, you were sleeping with his son after all. With that son who had told you today he wanted to find his father and asked you if you wanted to come along...

Tears get stuck in the corners of your eyes and your throat suddenly feels so dry. "Silver", you whisper just to make sure Silver is really asleep. You go sit next to him on the bed and hide your fingers in his hair. How could you ever tell him? There was no father, there was no Giovanni, not anymore.

Thanks to you.

You had tried to assure yourself that it wasn't your fault. Celebi had taken you from one time and place to another and suddenly you and Lyra had been confronting the leader of the Team Rocket inside his hiding place in Tohjo falls. Immediately he had challenged you to a battle. You had been so young and passionate that you hadn't been thinking that much. The man had only been another challenger to you, one more to beat. And so you had also beaten him.

After the battle Giovanni had been a broken man. Another defeat to another kid. After all these three years. Everything had become meaningless again. And you should had seen what he was about to do. You should have saved him. But you had been so stupid and young that you hadn't foreseen it.

_Giovanni walked quietly out of the hideout. You assumed him to go to the nearest Pokemon Center to heal all his fainted pokemon. You heard the big splash-sound but didn't pay anymore attention to it as you were thanking all your pokemon for a good job. Why should that sound be such a big deal anyway, some of the Giovanni's pokemon probably just used waterfall move to get him out of there._

_But you did hear the terrifying gasp next to you when Lyra grabbed your arm and looked at you with scared eyes._

_"Giovanni didn't have any water-type pokemon! He... he..."_

"He jumped to death, shamed and humiliated. Just because of me. If only I hadn't beaten him in that cave... Silver, you would still have a father." You are whispering with quiet voice burying your face to a Silver's bare chest. He was so hopeful to see his father. Even thought Giovanni had abandoned his son after losing to Red and made Silver feel nothing but anger and bitterness. But it was you who had driven Giovanni into a suicide, everything was only your fault and nobody's else. And yet you were bold enough to kiss Silver, to give him pleasure, to be his friend and more, and talk about hopeful things about future.

You hate yourself. You know nobody's ever going to find out what really happened in that cave. Lyra had sworn she wouldn't tell anyone. And you hadn't actually seen Giovanni's dead body. Maybe somehow, someway he had survived and was hiding again. Sadly, only Lyra believed in all this, you knew Silver's father was dead. And you were the one to blame.

"Ethan?" Sleepy voice asks and for a brief moment you meet Silver's only half opened red eyes. You have waken him up, you could tell him right now that it's no use to search for Giovanni. You could confess what kind of monster you really are, how stained and dirty person. You could tell him now and let him hate you for the rest of your lives. And yet, at the same time, you could clear your conscience and the black stain inside you.

You open your mouth ready to reply confused looking red-haired boy.

"I've decided to come with you to search for your father", you smile to him and throw your old hat away and just lay your half naked body next to other boy's hugging him slightly. This is so wrong and eventually you'll have to tell him. But not today. You are not ready to lose him just yet. You let Silver believe his father is still alive and that you will find him someday.

And you still have many months left with Silver before this feeling of guilt and lie will eat you alive turning you as black inside as the sky is behind that only window. But until then, you'll kiss Silver's lips and let him live in that sweet, _sweet,_ lie.


End file.
